How The Desire To Be Big Affected Janae Kroc's Gender Transition

Janae Kroc details how her passion for being the biggest and strongest person in the room created challenges for her gender transition.

Check out our latest exclusive clip from Bigorexia – now available on all digital platforms. Click here to order your digital copy! In this clip, Janae Kroc goes into detail about psychological complications of transitioning into a woman while also maintaining the desire to be big and strong.

Janae Kroc was born Matt Kroc and for a large portion of her life – she hid the fact that she felt like a woman trapped in a man’s body. During her time as Matt Kroc, she became a well known powerlifter showcasing incredible strength and size. In some ways, becoming strong was a way of appearing more “masculine.” A way to hide her true feelings deep down. But that’s not the only reason Janae found a love of weight training and powerlifting. She developed a genuine love for the sport and lifestyle. She enjoys and desires to still be big and strong.

Fast forward to today – and Janae has transitioned and come out as a transgender woman. While this undoubtedly has been a positive change in her life, she did face some psychological challenges during the transition. Specifically, how her desire to be big and powerful created a push and pull with her transition.

“Psychologically it was a big struggle for me too. Because I’m still feeling like I’m supposed to be female but yet now I’m putting more male hormones in my body.” Janae Kroc states during our interview in the film. She continues:

“AND SOME OF THOSE THINGS I REALLY STRUGGLED WITH. LIFTING WAS MORE IMPORTANT THAN MY CAREER, MORE IMPORTANT THAN ANYTHING ELSE. IT WAS JUST A BIG PART OF WHO I AM. BUT NOW THE NEED TO FIGURE OUT MY GENDER AND FIGURE OUT ALL OF THOSE THINGS WAS SURPASSING THAT. SO I WAS STRUGGLING.”

The level of strength and size that these athletes desire comes with a cost within the body. Specifically in the form of hormones that are naturally more common in men biologically. For Janae, transitioning included changing these hormones in order to present female and finally feel one with her identity. But with a desire to also lift, be big, and be strong – those kind of hormones may counteract the process.

Nothing is set in stone and anything is possible depending on what ultimately makes each individual happy. For Janae, it was a process of figuring out what was most important and what effect that would ultimately have on her body.

Many who live with bigorexia are unable to fight the feeling of being not big enough. It’s not a simple on off switch that can be flipped when it best suits the individual. It’s that kind of incessant feeling that can create complications in the rest of a persons life. For Janae, this took the form of extra challenges in her transition. For others it might be something else.