The Joke Thread....

One day, Billy's teacher asked him, " I heard your mom had a baby. What did she have?"​

Billy paused and thought for a moment and said, "I think she had a bicycle."

"Now Billy, you know that your mom didn't have a bicycle. What did she have?"

"Maybe it was a tricycle."

"Billy, don't stand there and lie to me. We're going to the principal's office right now!"
The teacher grabbed Billy, and escorted him to the principal's office and explained what happened. The principal looked sternly at Billy and said, " Stop lying, Billy. You know your mom didn't have a bicycle or a tricycle. What did your mother have?"
Click to expand...

Billy looked up, fear in his eyes and said, "Well, maybe she had a go-cart."

That was more than enough. "I'm calling your mother right now!"

Soon, Billy's mother arrived at the principal's office. "It seems that Billy has decided to start telling lies. His teacher asked him what you recently had, and he said a bicycle, then a tricycle, then a go-cart!"

Billy's mother teared up, and through her sobs, replied to the principal and teacher, "No. Sadly, I had a miscarriage."

Billy sat up straight and said, "I KNEW that damn thing had wheels!"
 

A woman and her 13 years old son were inside a Taxi.​

A woman and her 13 years old son were inside a Taxi. It was raining and all the twilight girls (Prostitutes) were standing by the roadside.



The Boy asked; “Mummy, what are all those women doing?



His Mother replied; “They are waiting for their husbands to come back from work.”



The Taxi driver turned around and said; “Why don’t you tell him the truth?. Little boy, they are prostitutes, they sleep with men for money. Said the Driver”.



The Boy’s eyes got wide and asked; “Mummy is that true?” His mother, glaring hard at the driver replied; “Yes.!!”



After a few minutes, the boy asked; “Mummy, what happens to the babies those women have?.”



She replied; “Most of them become Taxi drivers.



Moral of the Story -

Silence is Golden
 

Vladimir Putin visits a school...​

He asks a boy: "Who is your true mother?". "Mother Russia of course!", says the boy. Putin then asks a girl: "who is your true father?". "You, great president!", replies the girl. Putin then asks the quiet kid sitting at the back: "You there, what do you want to be when you grow up?". The quiet kid thinks for a moment and says: "An orphan!".
 

A man is visiting his mother's grave at the cemetery.​

He notices another man on his knees weeping wildly and exclaiming, "Oh why did you have to die? Oh WHY did you have to die??" First man says to him, "I'm so sorry for your grief. You two must have been close". Second man wipes away tears and replies, "Oh, I never knew him". Puzzled, the first guy asks, "If you never knew him then why are you so upset? Who was he"?. Second guy stood up and said, "He was my wife's first husband".
 

A mother was walking down the hall when she heard a humming sound coming from her daughter's bedroom. When she opened the door she found her daughter naked on the bed with a vibrator. What are you doing?" she exclaimed.​

The daughter replied, "I'm 35 and still living at home with my parents and this is the closest I'll ever get to a husband."

Later that week the father was in the kitchen and heard a humming sound coming from the basement. When he went downstairs, he found his daughter naked on the sofa with her vibrator.

"What are you doing?" he exclaimed.

The daughter replied, "I'm 35 and still living at home with my parents and this is the closest I'll ever get to a husband."

A couple of days later the mother heard the humming sound again, this time in the living room. In there, she found her husband watching the Super Bowl on television with the vibrator buzzing away beside him.

"What are you doing?" she exclaimed.

He replied............"Watching the game with my son-in-law."
 

A boy asks his mother, "Mommy, why is my cousin named Barry?"​

"Well," says the mother, "your aunt Linda named her son Barry because she likes to eat berries."

"I see," says the boy. "And why is my other cousin named Stu?"

"Well", replies the mother, "you aunt Molly named her son Stu because she likes to eat stew."

"Very interesting. Why is my other cousin named Candy?"

"Well, your aunt Ruth named her daughter Candy because she likes to eat candy. Why do you ask, Dick?"
 

A mother and her 2 daughters are at a cemetery​

One of the kids is curious and asks her mom “Mommy, why am I named Rose?”

Their mom replies “Because when you were a baby, a rose petal fell on your head.”

Her second daughter asks “Mommy, why am I named Daisy?”

Her mom replies “Because when you were a baby, a daisy petal fell on your head.”

Then, Rose looks at the tombstone and points at the name written on it.

“So why is that their name?” Rose asks.

Her mom sighs and says “We’ll always remember Samsung Smart Fridge.”
 

A woman is walking home with her three daughters- Rose, Lily, and Cinderblock.​

Rose asks her mother, “Mom, why did you name me Rose?”

To which her mother replies, “Well sweetie, when we were coming home from the hospital with you a rose fell on your head!”

Lily, curious now, asks her mother “Mom, why did you name me after a flower too?”

To which her mother replies, “Well sweetie, when we were coming home from the hospital with you a lily fell on your head!”

Cinderblock says to her mother, “hghghdnbgh!!? dnbgh!??!”
 

Mother and daughter go to the doctor​

After running some tests due to some non specific symptoms, the doctor tell them, “well looks like you are going to be a grandma, your daughter is pregnant ma’am”

The mother is infuriated, insults the doctor telling him that her daughter “knows no man” and leaves the office fuming.

Then they go to another doctor and again he tells them the daughter is pregnant. She then again leaves insulted at the doctor for such a diagnosis

Then they go to a third doctor,as he is reviewing the daughter lab results, the mother says “can you please confirm me that those two other doctors were quacks and unprofessional please? My daughter is not pregnant! I know this!”

After some reflection the doctor then says: “you are right ma’am, she is Not Pregnant”

The mother then jumps with joy saying “aha I knew it! Those incompetent fools shouldn’t even have gone to medical school”

However, interrupts the doctor “just make sure you buy a nice stroller so you can take to the park the huge fart she is going to have in 7 months”
 

Mother decided that 10-year-old Cathy should get something 'practical' for her birthday.​

“Suppose we open a savings account for you?" mother suggested. Cathy was delighted.
"It's your account, darling," mother said as they arrived at the bank, "so you fill out the application."
Cathy was doing fine until she came to the space for "Name of your former bank."

After a slight hesitation, she put down: "Piggy."
 

A wife decided to leave for a vacation, leaving her husband in supervision of her mother and her cat.​

After a few days, she called her husband and asked, “How is everything going?”

“The cat is dead,” he replied coldly.

She cried out and said, “You could have said the cat is playing on the roof on the first day, and the next day, it broke its leg, then the next that the poor thing’s dead!

No reply. The wife sighed sadly, “Anyways, how’s my mom?”

“She’s playing on the roof.”
 

Mother and daughter go to a store to buy clothes...​

The mother tries on a dress and asks her teenage daughter:

Mother: Does this dress look good on me?

Daughter: Mom, you promise that no matter what I say you won't be mad?

Mother: I promise.

Daughter: I'm pregnant.
 

A little girl asked her mother, "How did the human race appear?"​

The mother answered, "God made Adam and Eve and they had children, and so was all mankind made...”

Two days later the girl asked her father the same question.. The father answered, "Many years ago there were monkeys from which the human race evolved."

The confused girl returned to her mother and said, "Mom, how is it possible that you told me the human race was created by God, and Dad said they developed from monkeys?"

The mother answered, "Well, dear, it is very simple. I told you about my side of the family and your father told you about his."
 

A kid is playing video games in his room, minding his own business. His mother walks in. "Honey, come meet my new boyfriend!" "I'm kind of busy right now. Can you bring him in here instead?"​



A minute or so later, her boyfriend walks in. "Hey, champ! How you doing?"

The kid ignores him.

"Don't like champ, huh? That's fine. How about BlueDragon72?"

The kid turns his head quickly. "I haven't heard that name since I was ten..." He then realized. "It can't be.."<br>
"Call of Duty, right? I told you I'd bang your mom."
 

A religious mother sees her young son masturbating​

When the father gets home he sees that the mother is beyond consolation. 'Oh no what would God think of us for raising such an immoral child' she cries hysterically.

The father tells her 'Honey don't worry, let me deal with it, tomorrow I am gonna take our son on a road trip and we will have a man to man chat and I will make him understand the virtues of living in a religious way and make him get rid of this deplorable habit'.

The next day while driving together on their road trip the father tells the son that masturbating is a sin and is frowned upon in their religion and God punishes those who does it. The son is not convinced and tells his father that God has better things to do than watch him jerk off.

The father sees that his son doesn't believe in sin so he decides to try another approach, this time based on science. He tells him;

'Son do you know that masturbation can damage eye sight'?. The son doesn't believe it at first but was intrigued. 'What no way', he says ' No son, it's true, masturbating can cause eye defects'. The kid is now scared and says 'Really dad, but....but how?'.

The father then points to the road and says 'Son do you see those two cars in front of us?, A masturbation addict would see four cars. The son stares at the road for a moment and says;

'Uh....but dad there is only one car in front of us'
 
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